Stupid Products, Part 1

Just in time for Earth Day, when, presumably, good sense and earth-friendliness prevail, here are a few products we can all live without.

BLING FOR YOUR BOTTLE?

In case you can’t remember if that plastic water bottle is yours or someone else's, now you can purchase jewelry to wrap around the bottle neck to identify it as yours truly's! Yes, you can personalize that landfill-bait with a chrome or gold-colored spring-loaded ring with fleur-de-lis, butterfly, pink ribbon or cross charms studded with sparkly stones in “a variety of blinged-out colors.”

Yes, and after you guzzle your six slugs of water, forgetting that your ring of charms is there, and fling it into the trash can, your AquaBling and the toxic plastic it rode in on will remain in a landfill with billions of other bottles for the next few hundred years, until Wall-E comes along to discover it.

The better choice? A reusable stainless steel water bottle (in a color or style you can identify as yours at all times) that you refill with your filtered tap water. Cheaper, easier, healthier for you and the planet—and no bling needed.

WOULD SPOCK APPROVE?

Have you ever burned your ear while using a curling iron? Me neither. But in case this is a worry, you can just strap on some Ear Cuffies, cotton and polyester fake ears that strap on over your own to protect them from that hot iron.

Can you imagine actually doing this? First you'd have to find them in the bathroom drawer. Then your dog would definitely look at you funny, not to mention the jeers from your loved ones. But you could use them on Halloween as mouse ears, or cut them into little points to wear to the highly anticipated new Star Trek movie, coming soon to a theater (n)ear you.

HELLO? HELLOOO!

Remember the scene in the 1987 movie Wall Street where Michael Douglas as ruthless mogul Gordon Gekko proudly wields his brick-sized cell phone while walking on the beach? The technology was still clunky, but boy, did we ever think it was cool! Now, of course, cellphones are tiny, with multiple hands-free options that also protect the head from potentially dangerous radiation. So who could imagine the need for a clunky, retro “real” handset to plug into your cellphone “for hours of comfortable conversation?”

Yubz plug into any mobile phone for some “old school” pontificating!

Excuse me? I saw a version of this at the Museum of Modern Art Shop in Soho recently, too. If anyone can explain the appeal, please do tell! But for now, I’m taking comfort on this Earth Day in knowing that I don't need to buy one more thing that's ultimately headed for the landfill.

Comments

[Tracy Bristol]

Julie, please consider adding Kinoki foot pads to your list of useless products. I see them everywhere. Puh-lease!

[Jenny Isenman]

Julie-
It's funny, I started reading your blog about a week ago. I was researching, in the hopes of sending some submissions your way. As it turns out, I adore the blog. From the nostalgia, to the "medical" info, to the crazy products. I am still going to stalk you in the acceptable "social media way," that has become so popular. How did we ever survive on *69 alone?

Jenny Isenman
Jenny from the blog

[Irene]

I don't think the phone is as useless as it may appear. I heard that it is safer than putting a cellphone directly to your ear for long periods of time.

With the bluetooth version, you don't have to be next to your cellphone to use it, kind of like an extension.

I don't have one but I bought one as a gift for a girlfriend who never gets off her cellphone.

Irene

[Lydia Chambers]

The water bottle bling really takes the cake! As if bottled water is equivalent to savoring a glass of wine? Seriously, the whose-bottle-is-whose problem is another reason why bottled water is so wasteful. When people lose track of their bottles, I've seen them just grab another. At gatherings, people rarely drink an entire bottle of water or recycle it, for that matter. Back2Tap sells great stainless steel bottles with custom logos (or blank). Permanent paint pens can be used to decorate steel water bottles. There are even stickers that can withstand dishwashing to individualize the bottles: http://www.back2tap.com/.